Chapter 21

     As John pulled into the town of Flagstaff Arizona, he felt an unusual pang of nostalgia for the time he had spent there as a kid, and, on a whim he decided to stay the night there at the Monte Vista hotel, a famous old landmark in the city that had suites named after all the notable people who had stayed there. When he was given the Bob Hope suite, he remembered that he had stayed there before with the girl he was dating at the time, and he laughed at the oddity that he was now standing here again. He’d like to believe it was a coincidence, but he was starting to doubt that was the case. He felt like there was something he was supposed to figure out here, but right now it was just out of his awareness. Perhaps by retracing his steps he could find some answers. 

     After unpacking, he went down to the lounge downstairs to have a drink. It was exactly as he remembered it, and he smiled at the thought that he had once been a kid barely old enough to drink on a similar adventure At the time he felt that the world was completely his for the taking, and now, older and wiser, he felt a wave of this feeling again. He took it as a good sign. 

     As a tribute to his past, he decided to forgo his usual order of Maker’s Mark and drink the well Bourbon instead, a decision he had also made when he had first entered this lounge nearly twenty years ago. He went over to the same corner booth he and his girl at the time had sat in, and took a long swig of his rotgut Bourbon. It was as bad as he remembered it. Perhaps this was one part of his past he could leave behind.

     He found himself thinking about that particular girl this afternoon, and how at the time he felt like they were destined to be together forever. She had shared his love of travel and adventure, and, like him had expressed a desire to avoid the trappings of traditional marriage and family. She was also smart, beautiful, and fun-loving, and he remembered at the time thinking how lucky he was to find someone who had so many great qualities. They were young, fearless, and had each other. What could go wrong?

     As it turned out, a lot could. Over time she had drifted more towards wanting a responsible life for herself, and she began to pressure John to do the same. They had not parted amicably, and he had not heard from her in nearly 15 years, until he got a lengthy email one day describing her life as a wife and other, which she was immensely bored with. It was something he would never have predicted for her. 

     For a number of years after that, John had questioned the idea that settling down in the traditional sense was any kind of avenue to happiness. Meanwhile, he got older, the women in his life had gotten needier, and he eventually found himself in his 30’s an unmarried and lonely psychologist who drank too much. Then, on one odd day not unlike so many others in his life, one person of the millions who had crossed his path had altered his life in a way he still didn’t completely understand. He didn’t know much in this world, but the experience had taught him that life could throw thunderbolts at you, often when you least expected it. 

     He went over to the jukebox and selected the Indigo Girl’s song “Closer to Fine,” which had been a favorite of he and his girlfriend at the time. He wandered back over to the bar and ordered some real Bourbon this time. As he took his drink he silently toasted to lost youthful love, and listened to the words of the song,

‘I'm trying to tell you somethin' about my life

Maybe give me insight between black and white

And the best thing you've ever done for me

Is to help me take my life less seriously

It's only life after all’

Amen..