Chapter 32

   Having survived the climb, John and Elaine decided to celebrate with dinner at the El Tovar, which for John included a huge piece of Prime Rib. The climb had been one of the most physically challenging things he had ever done, and he felt good about giving himself a little reward. They had a nice dinner and spent most of the night talking and laughing about their adventure. When it came time to retire to their rooms, there was an awkward pause.

“I suppose this is where we are supposed to say goodbye, but I feel a kind of connection to you,” Elaine said, looking John in the eye. “I know you’re grieving and I know I’m married and I know we just walked a million miles, but I want you to come in. If you want to.”

John took a long look into her eyes and could feel her loneliness, and see her pain. He had on a couple of occasions in his career been propositioned in a similar manner by his patients, and each time he knew the offer of sex was mostly an act of looking to ward off these feelings of loneliness. Still, she was an attractive woman, and he felt something for her.

“Truthfully I would love to, but I’m going to say no. I’m still pretty broken right now and I think you are as well. We did something really nice for each other today, that I for one really needed. You’re a beautiful woman and in another lifetime I would have killed to be with someone like you. But sex changes something. It just does.”

“Okay” she said without much resistance. “Do you mind if we keep in touch though? I don’t need another therapist but I could really use a friend. LA is cold and fake and phony, and I just see that there is something real in you.”

John grabbed her and pulled her into a long embrace. They sat like that for several minutes, and John took the moment in with all of his senses. The touch, the smell, the feel of another human being was something he realized he missed a great deal. Eventually they broke their embrace, exchanged numbers, and John went back to his room. Although he was feeling a stronger sense of connection, he wasn’t ready to go home yet, and knew he had one more important stop to make. He was feeling a strong pull to return to his farm, and felt like there were still some answers there he needed to pursue.

     John began his long drive across the Arizona desert after sleeping better than he had in his entire life. The physical exercise had worn him out tremendously, and he did not relish the idea of a long drive in the hot sun. He thought for a moment of veering the car towards Las Vegas, but realized this may not be a good move given his barely dormant addictions that were still laying in wait.

     After some reflection, he decided that his next stop would be Monterey California on the coast by the Pacific Ocean. It was another place that had a special place in his heart, and he especially wanted to visit Cannery Row, which was one of his favorite books when he was a young man on the road. He programmed the coordinates into the GPS and began a ten hour trek towards the Ocean.