Chapter 29

    He dropped his pack and decided that he needed to bury his friend, despite the fact that he had limited means to do so. He surveyed the scene and realized his friend had died a mere 100 feet or so from his camp, and probably was trying to move towards his food. He wondered if he could have saved him, but thought the best he might have done would be to prolong his life for another day or two. It was simply too weak to survive.

      Putting together his tent and camp again, he realized that perhaps he wasn’t as done here as he first suspected. He instinctively felt that something important was going to happen and he reminded himself to stay open to the message. He decided to follow his feelings.

     He took out his small shovel and began to dig, thinking as he did that he may in fact spend another day here. He couldn’t stand the thought of another living creature dying alone. It had been one of his own most prominent fears before he had met his wife, and over the last couple of weeks he had started to feel it again. He looked around and realized he was utterly alone in the world, both literally and figuratively. Still, he felt the urge to complete this task. Perhaps he was burying a part of himself down here as well. He just didn’t know which part yet.

    After an hour or so of digging, he was satisfied that he had created a suitable burial ground. He waved away the flies that were starting to gather on the animal, and picked him up. His body had gotten so thin he was surprisingly easy to carry, and John saw in his eyes a kind of determination, despite the fact he hadn’t survived. Animals didn’t simply give up on their lives, and would cling to life to their dying breath despite impossible circumstances. Perhaps it was something he could learn from.

     As he began covering his friend with dirt, he felt a pang of sadness come over him more powerful than anything he had ever experienced. He had kept his emotions at bay over the last couple of weeks with alcohol and travel, but realized now he was about to crash. As he finished putting the last of the dirt over the body, he felt the tears welling up in his eyes. Although he tried to fight it, the tears began to fall harder, and in another moment he began to sob. He cried for the animal who had died alone, and he cried for all the lonely people in the world, and he cried for his wife and daughter, and he cried because everything in his life that had meaning for him was gone. He sobbed until all of these things finally came out of him, and in the end it was a kind of catharsis that he had desperately needed for some time.