Chapter 15

After an enjoyable afternoon celebrating happy hour in Memphis, he went back to the hotel to take a nap and think about what might be next for him. Although he was enjoying the city very much and had gained a great deal of insight while he was there, he was enjoying the idea of both freedom and travel too much to stay in one place right now. He decided he would spend one more night in Memphis, and then continue on.

     He showered and changed into a jacket, and decided he would stay close to home tonight in the lobby bar at the Peabody. Although it was prone to tourists, he also loved the look and feel of the wooden décor and the old southern charm that it exuded. After a short hiatus, he had once again developed a fondness for the bourbons of the south, and decided he would sample several of them before saying his goodbyes to Memphis.

     He found a seat at the bar, ordered a Knob Creek neat, and settled in to watch the people and make his peace with Memphis. Adorned in his jacket and slacks, he almost felt like he could be a Memphis lawyer, relaxing after work and wanting to unwind a little bit. He was feeling less like an imposter and more like a chameleon these days, and marveled at how far away he felt from his identity as a psychologist, father, and husband he had been so comfortable with just a few short weeks before.

     After his second drink, he noticed an attractive looking woman had taken a seat at one of the tables, and John noticed she had looked over at him a number of times as she drank her wine. In another life he would have immediately walked over and spoken to her, but right now felt totally disconnected from any kind of sexual feelings. In his marriage, he had learned he had spent a lifetime pursuing sex in search of some kind of fleeting intimacy, but with his wife he had experienced it all.

     After another drink, the woman joined John at the bar, and for a moment he felt a tinge of both flattery as well as arousal. Would a life with another woman ever be possible for him? Right now he couldn’t even fathom it, but he left a little room in his badly damaged heart that one day he might feel different.

“I don’t mean to bother you,” the woman said. “But have I seen you on TV before? Like a documentary on comedians I believe?”

“Yes, you might have,” John replied. “Although I must admit I don’t recall ever being recognized before. Are you a comedian or something?”

“I’m a journalist, and my name is Amy. I’m writing a book on Memphis musicians and I’ve been doing quite a bit of research on the relationship between creativity and destructiveness. I must confess I even read your book on musicians and found it quite insightful.”

“Well I guess you know my name is John then,” he replied as he extended his hand. “I have to admit that I have been quite charmed by your little city here over the past couple of days. I would be very curious as to what you’ve found so far. Is there a specific angle you are taking with your project?”

“Well, it’s funny, I thought the book was going to be about one thing, but it turned into something completely different. I wanted to discuss the relationship between a career in music and the rising and falling pattern of their lives as their fame waxed and waned, but my research has taken me elsewhere. What I found, was that Elvis, Jerry Lee, Johnny Cash, all of them really. What they were actually looking for was for someone to really love them. I know that might sound Pollyanna, but the theme keeps showing up again and again. You’ve written extensively about dead celebrities John, has any of that been your experience?”

John thought long and hard about the question, an also about this woman who was now sitting beside him. He had written about the idea of synchronicity often in his work, and truly believed that people were often placed into your life for important reasons when you simply open yourself up to this possibility. Right now he felt very cautious and guarded, but also knew that his current approach to living would not produce a desirable result in the end. He took a long, deep, breath, and decided to take a leap of faith.