Chapter 9

Thinking about the idea of scripts and tragedies and choices had made John think about what it was he was doing in New York, and he managed to make it back to the Plaza without incident. Before he went to bed he looked out over Central Park and thought about all of the lives that had passed through there over the years, and what a remarkable place the city really was. People had scratched and clawed and survived so many hardships to make it here to give themselves a chance at a better life, and yet here he stood, with everything he ever needed from a material standpoint, wondering why he should go on. He vowed to think of a reason, but just now, nothing seemed to materialize, and he eventually drifted off to sleep.

He woke up with a sense of urgency that next morning for the first time since the accident. He had an agenda, and showered and got dressed and made his way down past the lobby and into the street. He had something he needed to do today, and he knew if he could get through it, there was at least a chance that he could eventually begin to heal himself.

His first stop was the Dakota Hotel, a place that was morbidly sacred to him, as it was where his favorite singer John Lennon was gunned down so many years ago. Lennon and the Beatles had been an enduring part of his life since he was a child, and somehow he thought it appropriate to revisit this spot, and think about everything that had happened. Like John, his wife and daughter had been taken away from him in a manner he could not yet make any kind of sense of. Yet somehow, the place felt oddly comforting to him, as he had been here many times before and somehow always left with a sense that he was supposed to carry on. To take whatever he had learned from John and to try and pay it forward to honor his memory.

He stood in front of The Dakota for quite some time before crossing the street to Strawberry Fields, a large piece of Central Park dedicated to John and marked by the iconic “Imagine” symbol, which was always full of flowers, candles, and other memorials. John had proposed to his wife here, and their mutual love of John Lennon and his advice to always imagine had been the cornerstone of the promises that they had made to each other.

He eventually found the exact spot he had gotten down on his knees and changed his life forever, thinking as he did about eternal return, and how he felt like he had gone backwards into another time and place in his life. The memory was incredibly vivid to him, and for a moment he felt like he was living it again. He was flooded with the intensity of the memory, and for a moment felt like he had lost all sense of his physical self. Maybe time was a fluid concept, and maybe he could come back to this moment again and again.

Eventually John began to become aware of where and when he was, and he looked around, seeing that it was actually getting dark outside. Seeing all of the Lennon fans, he found the song “#9 Dream” playing in his head, an oddly haunting song, and one of his favorites.

“So long ago
Was it in a dream, was it just a dream?
I know, yes I know
Seemed so very real, it seemed so real to me”

John thought about these lyrics in relation to all of the things he had experienced that afternoon. He felt like he was sleepwalking through his life at the moment, and the constant emotional traveling between the past and the present was beginning to take a toll on him. He hailed a cab to the famous Bemelman’s bar, deciding that a night listening to some piano music might be what he needed right now.

Walking into the bar, he could see it was already packed with people huddled around the piano player, and he found a seat at the bar and ordered a Manhattan. He looked around and observed the well-dressed crowd, and thought about how little money and prestige and all of that really mattered. At one time he would have guessed this is what he wanted. Now he just felt very alone.

After the first drink and then another, John felt himself getting lost in the music and actually feeling a little better. Music had always had a mysterious hold on him, and hearing the singer belt out so many of the classics provided some comfort and peace for him, which was something he hadn’t felt in several days.