Chapter 11

Before John approached the kids, he found himself lost in an old memory. He felt like Billy Pilgrim from Slaughterhouse Five, and wondered if he had gotten unstuck in time. In this particular memory, he was 24, and he was driving an old Volkswagen Bus to Glacier National Park to work for the summer. He had set up a camp next to a couple of kids a little younger than him, and they had spent the night talking and laughing and drinking beer.

John hadn’t thought much of the encounter, until years later he was at a party at his girlfriend’s house in Kentucky and felt a tap on his shoulder. It was the same guy from the campsite, and he had remembered John and the conversation they had had that night in Montana so many years ago. It was a stunning coincidence, but not the end of the story. The kid had gone on to tell John that he had become a teacher because of the conversation they had that night. It had been a turning point in his life, as he for the first time began to realize the true power of making a real human connection with someone really was.

So here he was again, an aging Billy Pilgrim remembering that the words he chose to share with others did have some meaning, and that he therefore had an obligation to choose them carefully. Despite how broken he felt right now, this concept seemed clear to him for the first time in quite a while. He took it as a good sign.

Approaching the kids, he saw that they were smoking a joint, and he immediately hoped that they might share. He was getting tired of drinking, but still found the idea appealing that he could feel something else for a while.

“Hey guys, don’t mean to sneak up on you,” John said as he approached.

“Jesus man you sacred us. How long have you been up here?”

“Not long,” John replied. “I’ve been hiking all day and didn’t see anybody, so figured I was out here by myself. It’s amazing up here, isn’t it?”

“It really is,” the young woman said. “We go to school in Colorado, but we’re both from Kentucky. We’ve been coming up here since we were kids. Colorado is beautiful and all, but for us there is nothing like Kentucky in the fall. What brings you up here?”

“Well, I drove threw here when I was a little younger, and I never really forgot about the colors I saw.” John continued. “I always promised myself that one day I would make some time to come back here and really explore it a little more. It’s so quiet. So peaceful.”

As John spoke, the young man reached and offered him a joint, which John gratefully accepted. It had been a number of years since he had smoked marijuana, and the first hit was met with some coughing and discomfort.

“Damn guys, it’s been a while since I smoked. Sorry for the amateur hour,” John said as he laughed. “I really appreciate you sharing. I could use a little mental piece and quiet right now.”

“Oh yea?” the young man asked. “Why is that? What do you for a living that is so stressful?”

“I’m a psychologist,” John replied. “But right now I’m just a guy who needed to be somewhere else for a while.”

“A psychologist?” That’s what I am studying.” The girl replied. “My name is Katie and this is Brian.” He studies sociology. We talk all the time about what we are going to do when we get out of school. What advice would you give to yourself if you were just starting out like we are?”

John thought long and hard about the question. His career as a psychologist had been a successful one. He had written books and been on TV and on the radio more times than he could count, but none of that defined success for him until he had fallen in love and met his wife. He wanted to give an honest answer without discouraging them.

“Let me ask you something,” John replied. “Are you in love? Do the two of you have the kind of relationship that truly deepens your life? If so, savor every second and every moment, because you truly may never pass this way again. That may not seem like an answer to your question, but it’s the best one I have right now. Live your life as deeply and as richly as you can, because one day these things will all inform the choices you make as a therapist.”

“We’ve been dating since we were five.” Katie replied. “Everyone says we’re crazy to tie ourselves down to one person, but for us it has never been a matter of choice. We just belong together.”

“Let me ask you something,” John began, knowing he was in real danger of sounding morbid but unable to stop himself. “What you are describing makes it sound like the two of you are soul mates. What would happen if, God forbid, something should happen to one of you? What kind of life would you want for the other person?”

“I don’t know you, but I’m guessing you are asking us that because you lost someone, is that right?” Brian asked.

“Not just someone,” John replied. “The only thing about this world that ever made sense to me. I haven’t talked to anyone about it yet. I guess I’m afraid that’s gonna make it real. So I’ve just been traveling the country and trying to remember to keep breathing in and out.

Brian handed the joint back to John, and he again inhaled deeply, this time adjusting to the smoke and taking it in smoothly. The three of them fell into a peaceful silence, and sat there for a while until the sun began to go down on what had been an important day for John in beginning to put the fractured pieces of himself back together.