Chapter 1

You'll Never Be Going Back Home


Oh, how we danced with the Rose of Tralee
Her long hair black as a raven
Oh, how we danced and you whispered to me
You'll never be going back home

Tom Waits- Rain Dogs

Chapter 1

John poured a tall cup of coffee and took a long look around. It had been a successful day, and he wanted to savor the moment, because he knew that it often went the other way as well. He looked over and noticed the blinking light going off on his phone, and decided it could wait. Although he was a psychologist and technically always on call, he also knew that people were often tougher than they gave themselves credit for. He took a long swig of his coffee and began to gather his things He hadn’t had a drink stronger than coffee in nearly a year, and slowly, and finally, he was learning another way to live.

He finished the rest of his coffee and turned off the lights, thinking as he did of bringing home dinner for his wonderful wife Stephanie and his beautiful daughter Kim, the two primary reasons for the new man he had become. He thought about picking up a pizza on his way home for them, and remembered that this was their girl’s night where he was left to fend for himself. He looked over at the bar across the street and thought for just a moment of going in. From a great deal of long, hard trial and error, he recognized the urge as a symptom of feelings of abandonment he felt, knowing his girls were having fun without him. He chuckled to himself and decided he would pick up a sandwich at Subway on the way home.

Driving home he thought about all of the events of the past year, and how much his life had changed since he last sat and contemplated his destiny. He had gotten married to a woman he considered his absolute and unequivocal soulmate, a concept he thought was silly until he had met his wife about a year earlier. They had adopted a daughter, who had solidified for them what was already a wonderful dream come true. For the first time in his life, and after much dust that had finally settled, he was truly and completely happy.

As he wound down Lakeshore Drive in Chicago, he took a look at the lake and thought about how much he was looking forward to the fall. It was early September and it was his favorite time of the year in the Windy City, as things finally cooled off a little bit, and the city became a wonderful place to be again. He thought about taking his girls up to Lake Geneva to see some of the fall colors and made a note to book a room at The Abbey Resort, which was a beautiful place along the lake he had been going to for years. He decided it would be a real pleasure to share a place like this after so many years of going there alone.

He continued his way into Evanston, where he now lived in the former home of his greatest friend and mentor Dr. Paul, who had passed away the year before. He and his family lived here during the school year, and also spent considerable time on John’s old family farm, which he had purchased as a place for he and his girls to spend some time away from the city. They had spent nearly two months there over the summer, and the long walks, sunsets, and time spent talking round the fire had been some of the best of his life.

As he pulled into his driveway, he noticed that the girls were still gone which came as a bit of a surprise given the fact that it was now getting dark. He pulled out his cell phone and noticed he had missed a number of messages, but also that they were from a number he didn’t recognize. It was then he got the feeling in his stomach, and he knew that something was horribly and terribly wrong. He could feel it, and his feelings were very seldom wrong. He began shaking as he tried to keep his phone steady as he slowly returned the call. The call that would tell him the worst thing any man could possibly want to hear about his wife and daughter.